I wonder if it is my Anxiety that leads to disappointment or is it the disappointment creating my anxiety.
I think now is an important time for me to say that I’m not someone who dwells in disappointment, I push it deep down and move on with my day….super healthy right! Nothing more calming for the soul than that crushing feeling of inadequacy pulsing through your chest while you try to get on with the day to day…
Obviously I am full aware that this is something that I need to work on, but I’m not sure were to start and if in fact there is a healthy way of dealing with an abundance of disappointment.
Back to my opening question, Does my Anxiety create a self-fulfilling prophecy of disappointment? sure, focusing on anything in a positive light is one of the most difficult things to do when experiencing anxiety. As suggested by self help professionals and spiritual healers the more we focus on the negative outcomes, it is more likely that we will achieve a negative outcome.
Plot twist…after endless instances of being disappointed, does this slowly break down the protective layer to the core. Circulating through the body and soul like thick black clouds in a storm. Building and building into a savage spout of anxiety.
Both seem plausible to me. When I close my eyes and visualise each scenario, they both seem right…
As I am currently experiencing a lot of disappointment from the seemingly unhealthy relationships I have surrounded myself in, I though of this as a good opportunity to investigate which one of my scenarios are correct.
During a week of feeling low and let down, I started focusing on my emotions as they rose and fell with each poor conversation and unanswered text message.
My conclusion…like attracts like.
The more I focused on these hopeless relationships I was grasping to hold on to, the more I realised that not only was I self destructive but I also realised these people weren’t fighting for me in return. The more emphasis I put on thoughts of loosing these people, the further they drifted.
So in a week I have realised the sad truth that I value relationships that bring sadness that well out balance the short bursts of happiness they deliver. (Yes this is one of those ‘the truth hurts’ kind of realisations)
BUT, I have also come to love the ‘me’ factor. I am what is important here. I ask myself questions like ‘What makes me happy? ‘ or ‘is this going to bring me joy?’ if the answer is no, then it isn’t something that I am going to force myself to do anymore.
Disappointment can only disappoint if you let it…choose what you want to let in…